Store FAQ

• Where does this store ship from?

  Well you're really asking two questions there. The first one takes me back to 1934. Admiral Burn had just reached the pole, only hours ahead of the Three Stooges... and I guess he won the argument, but I walked away with the turnips. The following morning I resigned my commission with the coastguard. The next thing I knew there was civil war in Spain... and, that's everything which happened in my life right up to the time I got this question...

• What is this store's return and exchange policy?

  Your answer here.

• Do you accept orders placed outside of the US?

  You Bet your European/ Russian/ Azerbaijanian ass we do.

• How long will it take to receive my order?

  Once shipped most domestic orders take anywhere from 2 to 10 business days to arrive depending on the efficiency of your local postal service. International shipping delivery times may vary between 2 and 12 weeks. Please read the store's shipping policy for more information.

• What if anything else is wrong with my order?

  First, check the <a href="http://www.storenvy.com/help/buying">Storenvy Buyer's Agreement</a> for answers to a few more common questions. If all else fails, use the Contact form of the store you placed your order with.

• What's your deal with all the sci-fi references?

  We read lots of books and watch lots of movies. We are all very learned men.

• Are you Russian or something?

  We can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell 'em stories that don't go anywhere - like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so, I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on 'em. Give me five bees for a quarter, you'd say. Now where were we? Oh yeah: the important thing was I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones...

• Is it true you guys are not fun?

  Totally true.