Store FAQ

• Where does this store ship from?

  A dusty bedroom in Victoria, Canada.

• What is this store's return and exchange policy?

  If we get your order wrong, we'll fix it. If the stuff shows up fine, but you decide our mersh isn't to your taste, we recommend you take solace in self-knowledge. By default, we ship with insurance. This is so we can reimburse you if the state loses or mangles your package.

• Do you accept orders placed outside of the US?

  We ship anywhere. One time we had the idea to send 30 vinyls to a flitting millipede-like image briefly manifesting in the dream of a cheese-mite colony on a shard of dessicated haloumi in a frozen, airless vault in Phlegethon, where all history's most putrid cheeses and yogurts are stored until some momentous, unreckonable final accounting. RETURN TO SENDER. That fucking sucked.

• How long will it take to receive my order?

  A couple days within BC. A week within Canada. Ten days or so for the States. Two weeks and up for the rest of the world, depending on the inefficiency and corruption of your customs officials.

• PayPal is a shadowy, nearly unregulated fake bank willing to cheat its dependents at the behest of oleaginous financiers. Its monopoly screws a major part of the online ecosystem. Can't you use another payment service?

  We feel bad about this, but exclusive PayPal functionality is built into the Storenvy service. If you haven't heard much about PayPal's business practices, search for their policy on Wikileaks donations. We'll also take Interac email money transfers, Hyperwallet transfers, other online transfers from any institutions not overtly affiliated with organized crime, wire transfers, cashier's checks, personal checks, money orders, concealed cash in the mail, various forms of barter, and local meetups with payment. If you're planning to pay with any of these methods, let us know first so we can lay out some terms (e.g. we need personal checks to clear before shipping) and hold your items for you until payment comes through. Since no financial instruments are ever ethically clean, please do at least one thing for humanity's benefit after handling or contemplating money.

• Do you guys know any ogres? What are your favorite books and albums?

  No One's Ark is currently on speaking terms with an 19th-level shadow ogre. We have sent emissaries to the citadel of a 22nd-level ogre mage specializing in sand-to-blood transmutation. We don't know how to read, and are deaf.

• What do you use to hand-number your limited edition releases?

  A navy blue "Laurentien" pencil crayon sharpened with a dimestore retractable knife.

• I paid for an order that has already been sent out. Can I add to the order en route, or cancel it altogether?

  Yes. This is completely feasible. For maximum efficiency, we recommend that every order be changed during transit a minimum of three times.